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The Witnesses of Your Life: Why Female Friendships Matter

  • Writer: Frieda van der Merwe
    Frieda van der Merwe
  • 15 hours ago
  • 2 min read

Alt text: Two women dressed in elegant steampunk attire laugh joyfully while sharing a warm drink at a small café table. Both wear vintage brown leather jackets, ruffled blouses, and goggles—one on her head, the other around her neck. The background features brass pipes, gears, and a soft-glowing industrial lamp, creating a cozy, retro-futuristic atmosphere. Steam rises from their cups, adding warmth and liveliness to the scene of friendship and connection.

I don’t often speak about women as women. I’ve never felt held back for being female. In the small pocket of society I come from, equality wasn’t a fight — it was a fact. I was never told I couldn’t lead, study, or speak up. I recognise the struggles others have faced, but I wasn’t shaped by them.


Still, there’s one truth I’ll say without hesitation: if you’re a woman, you need female friends.

The ones who stay. The ones who hold the long story of your life. I’ve moved countries. I’ve lived in different worlds. But I’ve kept my friendships alive. Not because it’s easy — I’m not a digital communicator. I’m a natural communicator, but I speak. I don’t text. I don’t type. If you ever get more than three written words from me, consider yourself lucky. I’ll voice note you, call you, Zoom you — but I’m not sitting down to type it all out.


And I’m the one who left. So I take responsibility for keeping the connection going. But I deeply appreciate the friends who still value the relationship, even though I’m not physically there. Some people need you near to remember you. Others don’t.


These friendships do more than warm the heart. A 2008 UCLA study found that when women connect, their brains release oxytocin — supporting calm, trust, and resilience. Research in Psychological Science links long-term social bonds to lower cortisol levels, stronger immunity, and quicker recovery from illness.


But more than health, friendships offer something else: a witness to your life. Someone who says, “Yes, it really happened like that,” or, “No, you’re remembering it too harshly.”


Sometimes, if you’re lucky, they reflect your life back to you in words — reminding you of what you’ve lived, said, survived, or built. And in those reflections, you see yourself more clearly than memory allows.


So no, I don’t often speak about women as women. But this is for the ones who’ve stood beside me — and sometimes even told my story back to me. Female friendship isn’t decorative. It’s a lifeline. A truth.

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