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“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.” - Lao Tzu
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Self Care


Missing the Mark: What Sin Really Is
The word “sin” is rooted in the Greek word “hamartia”, which means “to miss the mark” . We miss when we silence our wants, aim wrong, or don’t aim at all. True growth starts with the courage to know what we want and the clarity to ask for it. This reflection explores how unspoken desires and fear of rejection keep us stuck — and how speaking with honesty, even at risk, helps us realign with who we’re meant to become. Asking clearly is how we learn to aim better.

Frieda van der Merwe
1 day ago2 min read
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Catch a Falling Star and Put It in Your Pocket: Why We Should Hold On to Moments of Pure Joy
Sometimes joy arrives unexpectedly — after a workout, under a bright sky, in a sudden surge of aliveness. In those moments, don’t rush past it. Pause. Feel it. Store it. Research shows that savouring joy strengthens the brain’s ability to recall it later, building resilience for harder times. This isn’t about chasing happiness, but anchoring fleeting light. When joy sneaks in, let it stay. Let it remind you: life can feel this good again. Catch that falling star — and keep it

Frieda van der Merwe
1 day ago2 min read
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The Witnesses of Your Life: Why Female Friendships Matter
Every woman needs female friends. The kind who stay, who witness your life, who remind you who you are. I’ve moved countries, but I’ve kept my friendships alive through calls, voice notes, and effort. These bonds aren’t just emotional—they’re physiological, supporting calm and resilience. They ground you, reflect you, and hold your history when memory fades. True friendship is more than connection. It’s continuity. It’s belonging. It’s medicine.

Frieda van der Merwe
1 day ago2 min read
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You Can’t Discipline Yourself Out of a Wound: Why White-Knuckling Fails and What Actually Heals
We can glorify willpower and discipline, but white-knuckling through pain isn’t healing, it’s surviving. This blog challenges the myth that sheer mental force leads to lasting change. Discipline can support routines, but it becomes toxic when it suppresses emotions or overrides deep needs - merely redirecting the pain, not resolving it. Real transformation begins with listening to what behaviours are telling us. Healing happens through compassion, connection, understanding th

Frieda van der Merwe
1 day ago3 min read
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The Magic Of Defocus
For years, I believed hard work alone led to success — until I discovered the power of stepping back. After preparing for an exam, I let go, laughed, and listened to joyful music. I performed better than ever. Neuroscience supports this: the brain connects ideas and consolidates memory during rest. Effects like the Default Mode Network, the Zeigarnik Effect, and priming show that release enhances performance. The lesson: do the work, then defocus. The magic often happens when

Frieda van der Merwe
1 day ago2 min read
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When the Body Speaks: The Label Is the Lens
Teenage boys and menopausal women may seem worlds apart, but both navigate intense hormonal shifts that change how they interpret the world. Our bodies are the interface through which we experience life. The labels we give to sensations shape our reality. But when hormones shift, familiar signals can feel unfamiliar leading to misinterpretation. Learning to read the body accurately, especially during transitions, is key to emotional clarity, better communication, and self-und

Frieda van der Merwe
1 day ago2 min read
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From Blame to Balance: Rethinking Mental Health Through Systems
What if the problem isn’t in the person, but in the pattern? Explore how systems theory shifts our understanding of mental health, change, and healing.

Frieda van der Merwe
1 day ago4 min read
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Understanding as Armour: Why We Intellectualise Pain
Many of us use intellect as armour — analysing pain instead of feeling it. This elegant self-protection can look like maturity, but often masks fear of being overwhelmed. True healing doesn’t come from understanding alone; it comes from allowing ourselves to feel. Insight can walk beside us — but it shouldn’t shield us from the softness that brings healing.

Frieda van der Merwe
1 day ago2 min read
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Stress Signals: When the Warning Light Stays On Too Long
While short-term stress can be helpful, chronic stress is toxic. Prolonged exposure to high cortisol levels harms your immune system, gut, and heart, increasing the risk of serious illness. This post explores why recognising limits, letting go of the impossible, and choosing rest isn’t weakness, but wisdom. Stress is a signal, not a flaw. When we learn to listen, we don’t just survive, but protect our health and reclaim our strength.

Frieda van der Merwe
6 days ago2 min read
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Stress Signals: Don’t Fix the Symptom — Follow Them
Fidgeting, overeating, nail-biting — these behaviours aren’t flaws. They’re the body’s early stress signals, offering a chance to respond with compassion. Backed by research like Damasio’s somatic marker theory, this blog explores how noticing these signs — in ourselves or our children — can spark connection and healing. Stress isn’t the enemy; disconnection is. When we respond with empathy and curiosity, we turn stress into a shared strength. Let’s learn to listen — and lean

Frieda van der Merwe
6 days ago2 min read
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The Chemistry of Connection: How Stress Builds Resilience
A study found that stress isn’t the killer. Your belief about stress is. Those with high stress and a belief it was harmful had a 43% higher risk of early death. But stressed individuals who saw it as non-harmful had the best health outcomes. Why? Because stress also releases oxytocin — the "connection hormone" — which fosters empathy and bonding. When you face stress with others, you don’t just survive, but you actually grow stronger, together.

Frieda van der Merwe
6 days ago2 min read
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Fear, Freedom & Music Magic: Choosing Which Battles To Fight
Not all fear is a foe. This video invites you to honour fear as a guide, using music, presence, and kindness to reclaim your power.

Frieda van der Merwe
Apr 92 min read
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Real Self-Care Is Emotional Honesty, Not Bubble Baths
Real self-care isn’t spa days or scented candles. It’s boundaries, honesty, and choosing what truly nourishes you, even when it’s hard.

Frieda van der Merwe
Apr 72 min read
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