PART 1 — Break Free From The Drama Triangle: It Starts In Your Head

Transcript:

The Drama Triangle, developed by Stephen Cartman, is a well-known model that explains dysfunctional conflict patterns. It highlights three main roles.

The Victim: "Poor me, this is unfair and I can't do anything about it."

The Rescuer: "Let me fix this for you, even if you didn't ask."

The Persecutor: "This is all your fault and I will make sure you know it."

These roles keep us locked in an endless cycle of blame, helplessness and over-responsibility. But what if we've been thinking about it all wrong? Most discussions about the drama triangle focus on external relationships, but the real drama starts inside, long before it plays out with others. If you don't escape the internal drama triangle, you will never truly escape external drama.

For many, the internal cycle follows this pattern:

Self-persecution: "You didn't do enough today. You're lazy. You're behind. You're failing."

Self-victimisation: "Yes, I really am failing. Life is unfair and I can't fix it."

Self-rescue: "Let me comfort myself. I'll have some chocolate. Watch Netflix. Avoid my responsibilities."

But the rescue is just temporary relief. Once the self-soothing moment passes, the persecutor returns: "You wasted time. You gave in. You failed again."

And so... The cycle repeats. If you recognise this internal loop, you'll see why breaking free from external drama isn't enough. You have to escape the drama in your own mind first. If your mind is stuck in a Persecutor-Victim-Rescue cycle, that energy will spill into your relationships. If you internally feel like a Victim, you will unconsciously seek external Rescuers or lash out at a Persecutor in your life.

If you habitually Rescue yourself with distractions, you may overextend in relationships, enabling others while ignoring your own growth. If you are your own worst Persecutor, you may criticise or control others to offload your inner frustration. Without realising it, your self-talk becomes the script for your external relationships.

The way out isn't by shifting between roles, it's by stepping out of the game entirely. Stop the internal Persecutor. Put down the whip. Instead of trying to fix the Victim or Rescuer roles, focus on disarming the Persecutor because it is the driving force behind the cycle.

Recognise the attack. Catch the moment when self-criticism starts. "You didn't do enough today." Detach from the judgment. Instead of engaging with the thought, step back and see it for what it is. Just a thought, not reality. Challenge the harshness instead of "You're lazy."

Shift to "You didn't meet your goal today, but that doesn't define you." Reframe failure. Instead of "You messed up," ask, "What did I learn?" Develop neutral self-talk. If self-love feels unnatural, start with neutrality. "I am learning. I am figuring things out." The moment you stop self-persecuting, the cycle collapses. If you don't attack yourself, there's no need to become a Victim or Rescuer. Once the Persecutor has been silenced, You can replace the drama roles with empowered roles.