PART 1 — Escape The Drama Triangle: How To Master Manage Conflict

A fresh approach to Conflict Management

Transcript of Video:

"Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of conflict? Do your relationships often involve drama and negativity? You might be caught in the drama triangle.

This model, developed by Dr Steven Cartman, explains how people can get stuck in unhealthy communication patterns. The drama triangle has three main roles, victim, persecutor, and rescuer. Each role interacts with the others, creating a cycle of blame, guilt, and frustration. Understanding these roles is the first step to breaking free from the drama. This simple triangle represents the complex dynamics that can play out in our relationships.

Let's explore each role in detail to understand how we get caught in this web of conflict.

The victim feels powerless, helpless and often blames others for their problems. They avoid taking responsibility for their actions and seek someone to rescue them.

The persecutor is controlling, critical and blames the victim for their misfortunes. They feel powerful by putting others down and often feel justified in their actions.

The rescuer feels responsible for fixing the victim's problems and often jumps in to help even when it's not wanted. They feel good about themselves for saving the victim but enable the victim's helplessness.

Each role has its own set of behaviours and beliefs. Recognising these patterns in yourself and others can help you identify when you are caught in the drama triangle.

The drama triangle is not static. People can shift between roles quickly depending on the situation. For example, a rescuer who feels unappreciated might switch to the victim role, feeling used and unappreciated. Imagine a co-worker, Sarah, who constantly complains about her workload.

Her colleague John often stays late to help her, taking on the rescuer role. However, when John feels overwhelmed, he might snap at Sarah, becoming the persecutor. Sarah, feeling attacked, might play the victim, claiming she can't do anything right. These shifts can happen rapidly and unconsciously, making it difficult to recognise the patterns. However, understanding these dynamics is crucial to breaking free from the drama. Let's look at a common scenario.

Imagine a couple, Anna and Ben. Anna constantly forgets to do her chores, leaving Ben to pick up the slack. Ben, feeling resentful, becomes critical and complains about Anna's forgetfulness. Anna, feeling attacked, withdraws and plays the victim, claiming she's forgetful and can't help it. Ben, feeling guilty, steps back into the rescuer role, completing the chores himself. This cycle repeats, leaving both feeling frustrated and unheard. Ben feels unappreciated and Anna feels incompetent.

This example demonstrates how the drama triangle can trap people in a cycle of blame and resentment. By understanding these roles and their dynamics, we can start to break free. Breaking free from the drama triangle requires awareness, responsibility and a commitment to healthy communication.

Here are some tips.

• Recognise your role. Observe your behaviour and identify which role you typically play in conflicts.

• Take responsibility. Instead of blaming others, focus on what you can control. Your own thoughts, feelings and actions.

• Set boundaries. Learn to say no and avoid taking on responsibility for others problems.

• Empower others. Encourage others to take responsibility for their own lives and offer support without rescue focus on solutions.

Instead of dwelling on problems, work together to find constructive solutions. Breaking free from the drama triangle is a journey, not a destination. By practicing these tips and committing to healthy communication we can build stronger, more fulfilling relationships."