This Little Piggy Got a Promotion and Missed His Kid’s First Step — What Shared Parenting Means

I often sat under my mother’s desk while she worked from home. She was a literary critic. Some days I played with blocks beneath meetings filled with cigarette smoke and sharp ideas. Other days, she baked or sewed.

I watched her live her life. And I learned how to live mine.

That’s the kind of world I believe in: one where children live alongside adults, not apart from them. But somewhere along the way, we split that life. We created maternity leave but left men out of the picture. Women get months. Men get days. Then we act surprised when our roles turn out unequal. We mean to create a more equal world for women but along the way deepen the divide. Women pay with their careers. Men miss out on fatherhood.

We tell women they should raise children and work. And we tell men they should work and help with the kids. But there’s a difference. For women, parenting is part of the job. For men, it’s often framed as a bonus. That puts mothers in the spotlight and fathers in the supporting role. Not absent, but playing second fiddle. And when we treat fatherhood like an add-on instead of a right, we quietly diminish it for everyone. That's lip service to shared parenting.

If men were given equal time to bond with their children — real, protected time — fatherhood would no longer be something they “fit in” into daily life. It would become part of who they are.

And we’ve seen glimpses already: dads picking up their kids between calls, structuring work around rugby games, making presence part of the plan. COVID cracked the system open. We learned it’s possible. And that quiet presence shifts the rhythm. The relationship becomes deeper. And that change doesn’t just transform homes. It shifts how we see family, work, and what matters.

Let’s stop pretending presence belongs to one gender. Let’s raise children — and build lives — in tandem, not in turns.