The Bully Within: Let’s Look At Self-talk

The voice in your head that narrates your life. Most people have it. Freaky fact: some don’t — and yes, I’ve met a few in coaching. That was a fascinating discovery! But for most of us, self-talk runs nonstop.

And it’s often not a mentor — it’s a bully.

“You messed that up.”

“You’re falling behind.”

“You’re not enough.”

We’d never speak to a friend this way. Yet we let this voice run wild in our minds.

Here’s something I see often in coaching: if you’re a Rescuer on the outside — always helping, fixing, managing — you’re often a Persecutor on the inside. You push yourself with criticism, then try to save others to escape your own judgment.

And many Persecutors — the ones who blame or control — are actually Victims inside.

Not loud victims. Quiet ones. The kind who feel unsupported or unseen, and strike out to avoid feeling powerless again.

This is where David Emerald’s Empowerment Dynamic offers a path. Originally about external roles. But I believe the deeper work happens internally. If you don’t shift the triangle inside, you’ll keep re-enacting it with everyone around you.

Here’s how the shift looks inside your own mind:

Victim to Creator

Ask yourself: “What’s still mine to choose?” Then ask the Frieda way: “How do I become anti-fragile from this? How do I take what’s happened and become better because of it?”

Creator doesn’t just recover — Creator builds from the wreckage.

Persecutor to Challenger

“What is this moment asking me to learn or face?”

Rescuer to Coach

“What support is truly needed — and is it mine to give?”

The Bully Within isn’t truth. It’s habit. But you can interrupt it. And when you do, something new begins: authorship, choice, and transformation.