The Plate, the Cockroach, and the Change Curve

There’s a plate of food on your teenager’s floor. Again. You’ve asked. You’ve reminded. Still, it sits, like a quiet rebellion.

So you try logic: “Leaving food in your room is basically a dinner invitation for cockroaches.”

But instead of action, you get resistance: “We don’t have cockroaches. And if we did, they wouldn't come to my room if the house was clean.”

At this point, your teen becomes a fully-qualified defence attorney. And you? You’re arguing with someone who just passed the bar in selective reasoning.

We think logic sparks change. But real change rarely moves in straight lines. People move through the Change Curve, a model from psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Originally about grief, it now explains how people adjust to change: Shock. Denial. Resistance. Exploration. Acceptance.

If you push during Resistance, you don’t help them climb the curve, you glue them to the floor. Every argument becomes fuel.

So instead, you start layering:

“Ants go straight for sweet leftovers, even just a few crumbs.”

“Look at this cup I left in the kitchen, totally covered this morning.”

“Some insects only need a trace of food to move in.”

“I love how my room feels when it’s clean. It helps me to think.”

And then… you say nothing about their room. Let it descend into chaos, if it must. The contrast becomes the teacher. Your clean space becomes the mirror.

Then one day… the plate is gone. You say nothing. You just kiss them on the head.

Because real change doesn’t come when you scrub the plate for them. It comes when they decide to live without cockroaches